The best thing to do is to reflect back on the moment you binged… Were you experiencing helplessness or defeat? Perhaps you felt like you weren’t really getting anywhere and thought, “what’s the point?”
Thoughts and feelings such as these come out of us comparing our values (or bodies) to an outside influence. For example, ‘I have been following a strict diet, yet I still don’t look like her,’ or maybe ‘it’s never going to happen, this is pointless, I give up’…. Am I right?!
Long story short, you are injecting the values of another person into your life and subordinating to them, thinking that they are better and holier than thou. It’s BS. This other person, they have a unique set of values, as do you, theirs just happens to be doing a photo shoot. This does not make them right or wrong, as it does not make you right or wrong for having different values.
Essentially the trap is when we project a fantasy, and then compare our current reality to it. This my friends is called depression, and will always set you up to fail. When we compare our reality to a fantasy it distracts us from the truth of achievement, the truth of others and takes us far away from gratitude. To summaries these three points:
Truth of achievement: There will always be an equal amount of support and challenge towards a goal. You will only accept the challenge if the goal is something that aligns with your highest values.
For example, I have a heck of a lot of respect for Tony Doherty and his massive efforts as the creator of FitX. We can all agree that the annual FitX expo would be massively stressful to negotiate and execute. It is a Global Event that brings participating, competing and sponsored athletes from all over the world to Melbourne. If one were to take on such a great task, they would need to feel inspired by the challenge. If not, they would surely back down at the first hurdle, let alone see it through to a successful end.
This is what I mean when I say ‘the truth of achievement’. Achievement never comes without challenge. In fact, the most growth occurs on the border of chaos and order, support and challenge. This is the difference between eustress (stress you thrive off) and distress (stress that kills you).
Truth of others: Many of the time, we seek out relationships with people that we feel we ‘should be’. When we do this we project a fantasy of our ideal self, instead of appreciating who we are and the values that make us unique.
A fitness model that is in shape all year around, doing photo shoot after photo shoot clearly places high value on looking good and working out. Some might see the life a fitness model leads as shallow and excessive, others may wish to be them; but it’s about living true to your values. When we can appreciate others for their unique values, we give ourselves permission to appreciate who we are.
Remember, we must see others for who they are completely, this includes the downside. A fitness model does not get to eat out; they don’t go drinking with their friends. A fitness model does not sit on the couch and eat chocolate ice cream with their lover. They are not right for their values, just as you are not wrong for yours. But appreciating them and the discipline they have is the first step towards appreciating yourself and the values that you have.
Liberate yourself from ‘shoulds’ and ‘ought to’ and move towards ‘love to’ and ‘want to’. No one tells Janet Kane to compete except Janet Kane. If you ever get a chance to speak to her, listen to her language, it’s full of “want to” and “love to”.
Taking away from gratitude: This one is pretty straightforward. Trying to live by someone else’s values is emotional suicide and breeds resentment towards self and others.
Instead, any action that you think has set you back, ask, how has this served my highest value? What has going off track allowed me to do? What benefit from this drawback am I getting? Don’t stop until you become humble by the magic of the universe and your subconscious for always giving you what you need, when you need it.
So you blew out your diet – It’s no big deal. Ask, how does it serve and what is this trying to teach you? Is this blow out bringing you back to center, teaching you to be more centered and balanced in your approach?
It’s a mental game- here’s to self- governance!
